I wasn't nervous about tomorrow until I got my surgery time. I've managed to keep myself busy and distracted all this time, but now that I have my time, it's all so real! I'm down to my last two opti-fast shakes, and this is it! After midnight, no food, no water until after my surgery, and even then it will be ice chips and small sips of water. Then, the next day, I can start on my thin fluids! I never thought I'd beexcited about drinkable yogurt!! I have now lost 30 pounds in the last 3 weeks, and I can't even begin to tell you how good that feels! I am down nearly 50 all together; only 150 to go! I am 1/4 of the way to my goal weight! I have NEVER been 1/4 of the way before! I'm so proud of myself, and I can't wait to keep going with this!
I'm trying to decide what is making me the most nervous. I'm nervous about the surgery (obviously!!), but I think what scares me is not waking up afterwards. I feel like I need to say goodybye to everyone before I go in, and that I need to tell everyone I love them, just in case! And I'm also scared of gaining weight back after I am allowed to start eating again. And I think that, after my terrible infection after my c-section with Gracie, I'm scared that this won't go well, or that it won't heal. But, I think that above and beyond all of that, that I won't have done enough to get the surgery, that my liver won't be small enough to be able to do it. What if there was something more I could have done? What if I shouldn't have had sugar-free jello? What if what if what if? I've really been putting my faith in God, and I have just been praying that everything will go according to plan. There's nothing that I can do at this point, and it is what it is. So hopefully GOd will be on my side tomorrow, and by this time tomorrow, I will be in recovery and then after that, hopefully I will be on my way home!
I'll keep you posted!
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